Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
