BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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