I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How external is "for external use only"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
