Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize