8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
