Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hippo gnu deer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize