I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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