All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
