She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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