taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
