That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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