Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
