I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
