ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
