but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
