She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
