Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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