Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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