We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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