i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are we still banned from the library?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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