the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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