I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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