how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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