he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
