his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
