All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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