I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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