I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
