You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
