i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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