i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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