Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
