Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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