What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
