You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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