I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
