Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
