I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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