I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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