are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
