Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
