the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
