100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
