If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
