Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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