sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
