So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Are we still banned from the library?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
