i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
