I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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