i would punch a child for taco bell
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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