i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
