Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
