So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
