I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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