I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
