i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
