Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
