Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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