sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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