I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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