Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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