Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
