I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
