p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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