dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
