he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
