So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
