and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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