I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
