we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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